What do you Want?

This can be a great question. It comes up often in coaching conversations. After talking about a situation with all its complexities, difficulties and different options, a client will stop and pause when asked that question.

But there is also a problem with the question. The problem lies not so much in the question itself but in the answer. Or rather the answer that we think the question requires.

Often we think the question demands an all-encompassing, universal statement of what I want. And that is a tough answer to produce in the middle of any conversation.

In fact, that type of overarching answer isn’t either necessary or particularly helpful.

So to help bring focus and sharpen up the answer so that it becomes something useful or actionable, the question needs to be tweaked to suit the situation or frame of reference.

For example:

• In this situation, given the specific details (e.g. non-negotiables/the people/the goal) what do you want?
  

• In this situation, what do you want by when?
  

• If you got what you wanted for the last question, what do you want next and by when?
  

• In this situation, if someone with sufficient control to change a factor asked you what do you want? what would you answer?
  

• What do you want in terms of the components to the situation (you, others, system, outcome, aftermath)?

Another approach is to apply qualifiers to the answer.

So, in answer to what do you want, you consider the relevant factors that define what you want.

So, perhaps you want something in the short term but something else in 12 months’ time. Both of these need to be part of the answer in order to be useful to you.

The final thought about this question is to answer it as if there were no constraints imposed.

So, the question becomes: in an ideal world, what do you want?

Responding to this question can be a great way to remove habitual frames of reference, test assumptions and free up your thinking.